Apple unveils a new iFad
Like the iPhone but without the usefulness
Hey kids! Do you like the iphone, but wish it was the size of a bathroom window? Do you wish it looked and acted exactly the same, except for those nagging features? Well do we have a bridge to sell you! (Free iPad included).
Yup. Apple has made a new ‘magical’ (their word) device. This time, it’s the size of a notepad, but touchscreen! A lot of people say it looks just like an enormous iPhone, and yeah, I can see that. Except, it’s not a phone. So that would just make it the Apple i. It doesn’t have a camera, which is cool, cause there’s no way you’re sneaking that under some japanese schoolgirl’s dress. It can’t multitask, so if you had dreams of ‘magically’ listening to music while browsing the web, sorry. But hey, who wants that right?! You know what else no one wants anymore? Adobe Flash. All of those stupid casual games, and fancypants websites that use it can get fucked. Apple knows what we want, whether we like it or not.
So, if you’re really into surfing the web without the hangups of a physical keyboard, multitasking, flash, instant picture sharing, or USB SUPPORT (there’s an iDapter for that), the iPad is for you. I’ll see you at the local coffee shop, hunched over, with hands in an awkward position trying to type on an imaginary keyboard. We’ll knowingly nod at each other, then exchange smirks 
knowing that we are the only non-sheeple smart enough to buy a $900 web browser.
In all seriousness though, it would be kinda cool to install the old tabletop Pac-Man on. Otherwise, it sucks.